


Welcome to the Meme Squad

by krlakgne



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: FAMILY BONDING IN A GROUP CHAT, Group Chat Fic, M/M, Other, broganes, eventual Klance, im so sorry, this is set on earth and they all have normal lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2018-10-19 01:12:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10629081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krlakgne/pseuds/krlakgne
Summary: Lance discovers that he can add people into a group chat. Memes ensue.





	1. "hunk deserves the universe"-takashi shirogane

**Author's Note:**

> Spring Break just started for me so i have a shit ton of free time and i decided to make a voltron group chat cause it looked fun and my friend Kylie made one and i got inspired
> 
> Guide:  
> Lance-bluebabe  
> Pidge-pidgerson  
> Hunk-hunkles  
> Keith-angry gay teen  
> Shiro-galactic paternal unit  
> Allura-bitch goddess  
> Coran-corbin bleu  
> Matt-floormatt

bluebabe added pidgerson, hunkles, galactic paternal unit, floormatt, corbin bleu, angry gay teen, and bitch goddess to the group chat 

bluebabe: WHATS UP FUCKERS!!1!!1

pidgerson: lance why tf did you make a group chat this will end horribly

bluebabe: pidge why tf did you think i made it

pidgerson: oh god

hunkles: heyyyyyyyyyyy

bluebabe: HELLO YOU RAY OF SUNSHINE

pidgerson: hunks more like the entire sun not just a single ray

hunkles: awwwwww you guys are so sweet!

angry gay teen: hunk is as bright as every single star in the universe

bluebabe: wow keith i never knew you wrote sappy ass poetry

bluebabe: BUT THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I AGREE WITH ANYTHING YOU SAy

angry gay teen: im taking that as a compliment

hunkles: GU YS STAPH IM GONNA CRY

galactic paternal unit: Guys, please do not make Hunk cry.

galactic paternal unit: But, I do have to agree that Hunk deserves the universe.

hunkles: SHIRRRROOO NOT YOU TOo

bluebabe: someone photoshop hunks face on the teletubbies sun

floormatt: ON IT

pidgerson: matt i thought you were on ur way to D.C for that aerospace convention or some shit

floormatt: flight got delayed an hour and i have my laptop with me

floormatt: so i can edit the beautiful hunk

hunkles: guys really you don't have to

bluebabe: oh yes we do and THANK YOU MATT UR THE BEST

floormatt: brb

pidgerson: HEY I THOUGHT I WAS THE FAVORITE

bluebabe: you must prove your worth

bluebabe: which the legendary matt has done

pidgerson: i bought you swedish fish yesterday

pidgerson: it took me an hour to find a machine that worked

angry gay teen: #TheQuestForTheSwedishFish

bluebabe: KEITH UR BACK

angry gay teen: no ive been here the entire time reading everything

hunkles: of course youre the one to do that

angry gay teen: well plus i was busy with cleaning my knives

pidgerson: of fucking course you were

galactic paternal unit: pidge language

pidgerson: you can’t tell me what to do with my fucking life

galactic paternal unit: Pidge.

bluebabe: oh shit pidge ur in trouble

hunkles: shiro used punctuation

angry gay teen: i can feel the dad glare through the screen

pidgerson: dad im sorry i swore

galactic paternal unit: I accept your apology.

angry gay teen: shiro why do you use punctuation whenever you text

galactic paternal unit: I don’t know, Keith. Why do you still listen to MCR even when the band broke up in 2013?

angry gay teen: ...you did not

bluebabe: GET FUCKING ROASTED MULLET

pidgerson: BROAH BROAH BROAH BROAH

hunkles: pidge what is that

pidgerson: i was trying to make air horn noises through text

floormatt: I FINISHED THE HUNK EDIT 

floormatt: Attachment: 1 Photo

hunkles: omg

bluebabe: MATT THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS IS MY NEW PHONE BACKGROUND

bitch goddess: What is this chat

bluebabe: or as Keith would say

bluebabe: wot in tarnation

angry gay teen: NO ONE IN TEXAS SAYS THAT LANCE

bluebabe: you never denied saying that

pidgerson: its because he says it regularly

pidgerson: keith is a memelord like you and me

pidgerson: he came out of the gay closet but not the memelord closet

angry gay teen: shut ur mouth you gremlin

pidgerson: my mouth is closed keith

angry gay teen: dont be a smart ass

pidgerson: i like to believe my ass is as smart as my brain thank you very much

angry gay teen:...

bitch goddess: i just realized this chat doesnt have a name

bluebabe: leave that to me

hunkles: oh no

bluebabe: you doubt me Hunk??

hunkles: last time you named a chat you named it ‘lance is viscous’

bluebabe:...no comment

bitch goddess: what about Squad™

pidgerson: thats too simple

galactic space dad: i think that should be in the name somewhere

floormatt: Vore Squad™

hunkles: NO

pidgerson: oh god no

bluebabe: wait what does vore mean?

floormatt: NO ONE TELL HIM

floormatt:  N O  O N E

bluebabe: whats wrong with it

angry gay teen: lance ur the meme king how tf do you not know what vore means

bluebabe: YOU JUST ADMITTED IM THE KING OF MEMES HA

hunkles: please lance save your last sliver of innocence and do not look it up

bluebabe: im looking it up anyway

hunkles: NO LANCE

bluebabe: oh no its on urban dictionary this should be good

pidgerson: here it comes

bluebabe: whAT ThE FUcK

pidgerson: there it is

bluebabe: OKAY WE ARE NOT HAVING VORE IN THE TITLE OF THIS CHAT

floormatt: HAHAHAHAHAHA

floormatt: it was nice talking with you fucks but i have to get on my flight

floormatt: ill be back in a couple hours

pidgerson: see you later asshole

hunkles: bye matt have a safe trip!

bitch goddess: bye!

bluebabe: I CAN’T EVEN SPEAK TO YOU RIGHT NOW MATTHEW I AM DISGUSTED

angry gay teen: take a bunch of photos for blackmail material

pidgerson: dont worry keith i have plenty of those

floormatt: PIDGE HOLT YOU WOULDNT

pidgerson: just you wait matthew james holt

galactic paternal unit: honey, you got a big storm coming.

bluebabe: DID SHIRO JUST USE A MEME

pidgerson: he’s dabbed too

galactic paternal unit: pidge shut it

angry gay teen: gave up on the proper punctuation takashi?

galactic paternal unit: i gave up proper punctuation just like you gave up on ballet

bluebabe: EXPOSE HIM

angry gay teen: he just stripped me of my dignity thats what he did

bitch goddess: Keith you did ballet! That’s so sweet!

angry gay teen: please allura spare me

pidgerson: shiro i beg you send me pictures i need to see thi

bluebabe: PLEASE

angry gay teen: shiro if you do i wll send that video of you freaking out on a rollercoaster because it broke down in the middle of the rid

galactic paternal unit: keith i had a reason to be freaking out

galactic paternal unit: im looking for the pictures guys hold on

angry gay teen: SHIRO NO

angry gay teen: ill send photos of you in eighth grade

angry gay teen: which was your emo phase

pidgerson: yeah its the phase which you cant seem to get out of

pidgerson: maybe it isn’t a phase after all

angry gay teen: WHY ARE YOU GUYS COMING AFTER ME

bluebabe: because its insanely easy

galactic paternal unit: to save my own skin and pride keith you have a deal

angry gay teen: FUCK YEAH

bitch goddess: guys

bitch goddess: we still never named the chat


	2. Home Alone: Lost in D.C

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buckle your seatbelts because everyone is Suffering™.

floormatt: heyyyyy youuu fuccckkkss

floormatt: I just got off my flight

pidgerson: you have dads hotel room number right??

floormatt: yes and awwwww pidgey you care about me

pidgerson: i just don't want you to get lost like you did when we went to new york city 

pidgerson: plus I wouldn't mind I'd get ur inheritance money

floormatt: r00d

angry gay teen: how did you manage that???

floormatt: i got off at the wrong subway stop

pidgerson: AND ENDED UP ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY

floormatt: it's not my fault I forgot my glasses at home

floormatt: im as blind as a doorknob

angry gay teen: doorknobs can't see they don't have eyes

floormatt: exactly

bitch goddess: good to hear from you Matt! Coran and I are going to visit my father in Georgia

bitch goddess: he says hello and when it's my turn to drive he’ll join your conversation

pidgerson: tell Coran to save himself and ignore this chat f o r e v e r

bluebabe: seems like Pidge doesn't like this chat

pidgerson: if it wasn't for the laws of this land, i would've slaughtered you

bluebabe: I think the word you're looking for is swallowed

floormatt: AND WE’RE BACK TO THE VORE

hunkles: nO

galactic paternal unit: Please keep the vore away from this chat. 

floormatt: kay dad

angry gay teen: do any of you dicks know how to fix and iPod??

bluebabe: why do you can listen to ur emo music

galactic paternal unit: no so he can listen to country music

bluebabe: KRJNFKSNEJCJSJF KEITH N O

pidgerson: keith 

pidgerson: shiro 

pidgerson: I have a thing to say about country

floormatt: here we go

pidgerson: there's this fucking asshole who lives next door named Paul

pidgerson: and Paul he won't shut the fuck up about his red truck WHICH lS FUCKING MAROON BY THE WAY

pidgerson: and at 2 in the morning Paul blasts a pathetic excuse for music

pidgerson: Country

pidgerson: there's a lot of shit I have to say about that

angry gay teen: what's wrong with country?

pidgerson: NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR GREEN TRACTOR

pidgerson: OR YOUR RIPPED JEANS

pidgerson: OR YOUR STRAW HAT

pidgerson: OR YOUR COLD BEER

pidgerson: AND FINALLY THE PUSSY YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO GET

floormatt: COUNTRY TURNED KEITH GAY

angry gay teen: whAT

angry gay teen: nOoO

floormatt: that wasn't convincing enough

galactic paternal unit: I happen to really like country music

pidgerson: ITS BECAUSE YOU’RE FROM TEXAS

pidgerson: YOU HAVE BEEN B R A I N W A S H E D

bitch goddess: that was eventful

bluebabe: Guys.

hunkles: wassup buddy

bluebabe:...i dropped my baby.

angry gay teen: your what? Lance ur not a father

pidgerson: maybe he has a secret life as a baby daddy

floormatt: from Texas

pidgerson: NO

bitch goddess: Lance what did you drop?

bluebabe: I DROPPED MY FUCKING STARBUCKS ON THE CONCRETE 

hunkles: it's okay buddy just go in and get another one 

bluebabe: NO HUNK YOU DONT UNDERSTAND 

bluebabe: I GOT THIS CAPPUCCINO FROM THIS REALLY CUTE BARISTA

bluebabe: AND NOW HIS CREATION IS R U I N E D

bluebabe: I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON

bluebabe: AND I CANT CRY BECAUSE MY FOUNDATION WAS $40

angry gay teen: why is makeup so expensive

pidgerson: I don't know good thing I hate it so I never have to use it

bluebabe: DO ANY OF YOU FEEL MY PAIN AND SUFFERING

angry gay teen: no I don't

bluebabe:...go do your ballet routine somewhere else country boy

pidgerson: OOOOOOOOOOO

floormatt: meanwhile back in D.C.

floormatt: Ronald McDonald is a really nice guy

hunkles:...?

floormatt: so Pidge I may have gotten lost

pidgerson: GOD DAMMIT MATTHEW

floormatt: hes helping me get to the hotel 

corbin bleu: Don't get kidnapped!

floormatt: CORAN HI!!!

corbin bleu: I wish Allura and I had a Ronald McDonald to help us get to Georgia

galactic paternal unit: um. What.

corbin bleu: Don't worry lads! Just our map flew out the window.

pidgerson: I guess you can say that map

pidgerson: scadattled out of there

hunkles: tag urself im the map

pidgerson: this sounds like a really fucked up episode of Dora the Explorer

pidgerson: everyone's getting lost

floormatt: Keither no stabbing!

hunkles: Keith is 100% swiper

angry gay teen: wow thanks man I thought we had something special

pidgerson: Lance is the backpack cause he's always full of useless shit

bluebabe: HEY IM MOURNING THE LOSS OF MY STARBUCKS AND YOU COME INTO JEBS FUNERAL

pidgerson: I'm the map cause I'm always right

angry gay teen: no ur not

angry gay teen: Shiro is Boots

angry gay teen: because he never fucking knows what shoes to wear until he sees his fucking Timbs

galactic paternal unit: Keith stfu you know nothing 

galactic paternal unit: my Timbs and I have a special bond

hunkles: okay can everybody just take a deep breath and calm down

pidgerson: hunk is the fucking squirrel

hunkles: WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU

pidgerson: you guys have the same jacket 

hunkles:...

pidgerson: and you dressed up as the nut eating fuck when you were 6

hunkles: HOW

hunkles: DID YOU

pidgerson: I told Lance I'd buy him a new Starbucks if he sent me a photo

pidgerson: he did

pidgerson: best day of my life

corbin bleu: I've never seen Allura have this much road rage before 

corbin bleu: she sounds like a pack of wolves.

floormatt: #AlluraIsAFurry

hunkles: OH GOD NO

floormatt: guys good news

floormatt: 1. i didn’t get kidnapped 

floormatt: 2. I got to dads hotel room

floormatt: 3. I trust Ronald McDonald with my life

pidgerson: a new bond was formed today

floormatt: I almost cried when he had to leave

bluebabe: #LoveIsLove


	3. Tank Town USA Gets Egg-splosive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team celebrates Easter in thier own special ways

hunkles: Happy Easter everyone!

bluebabe: time for the iconic easter bunny to pop out of its hole

pidgerson: and that hole is my ass

galactic paternal unit: pidge i swear to the lord above

angry gay teen: the easter bunny is a cryptid

pidgerson: i support this 100%

hunkles: what evidence do you have to support this

angry gay teen: he only comes around once a year

angry gay teen: scares small children

galactic paternal unit: *cough*talking about yourself*cough*

angry gay teen: shiro thats something we dont talk about

galactic paternal unit: you would not stop crying after mom took us to see the easter bunny

angry gay teen: WHAT HE WAS SCARY

bluebabe: AWWW Keith is afraid of the easter bunny

angry gay teen: i would sell you to satan for one frosted flake

bluebabe: that better be one damn good frosted flake

pidgerson: but keith this is the question i’ve been wondering for a while

angry gay teen: shoot you gremlin

pidgerson: lance or mothman stabbing you in the ass

angry gay teen: mothman stabbing me in the ass

bluebabe: KEITH I THOUGHT WE BONDED

angry gay teen: i would choose mothman over you any day

bluebabe:..I...am...offended™ 

angry gay teen: what i’m being honest

bluebabe: you know what you cryptid loving fuck

bluebabe: im gonna prove that im better

angry gay teen: try and impress me

hunkles: oh no keith don’t encourage him

floormatt: guys i did a fuck

pidgerson: FIRST YOU GET LOST

floormatt: no i may or may not have accidentally broke into an exhibit at the convention

galactic paternal unit: im not mad, im just dissapointed

floormatt: im stuck and someone called security

galactic paternal unit: sweet jesus give me strength

pidgerson: i called dad and when he answered he was just laughing and said “thats my matthew”

pidgerson: matt you’re a disappointment

floormatt: i know

floormatt: oh no here comes security

floormatt: can jesus rise from the dead and save me

floormatt: lets hope i don’t get arrested

galactic paternal unit: matt

galactic paternal unit: guys we lost him

hunkles: RIP Matthew James Holt

hunkles: we lost him on easter

bitch goddess: Happy Easter everyone!

bitch goddess: while all of you are celebrating with eggs and colorful shit

bitch goddess: i just dropped 500 dollars to drive a T A N K

corbin bleu: I can confirm this

angry gay teen: um...what

bitch goddess: my father’s easter party doesn’t start for another 6 hours so he’s taking coran and i to tank town USA

pidgerson: i wanna go!!!!!

corbin bleu: our instructor is named keith!

hunkles: keith is confirmed a cryptid

hunkles: 2 places at once

angry gay teen: what do you do exactly

corbin bleu: crush a car with a tank

corbin bleu: oh do i love georgia

pidgerson: get in the fucking car keith were going to georgia

pidgerson: ill drive the tank while you scout for the Georgia Raptor™ 

angry gay teen: why just me

pidgerson: well 

pidgerson: lance is trying to one up you like always

pidgerson: matt is in jail

pidgerson: shiro will try and stop us

galactic paternal unit: neither of you can drive

angry gay teen: i get my permit next month

galactic paternal unit: still

pidgerson: HUNK YOU’RE DRIVING

hunkles: kay

corbin bleu: allura is currently driving around the track

corbin bleu: she is screaming “get out of my way you communist fucks”

hunkles: that sounds like allura

corbin bleu: while alfor is sitting on the back

corbin bleu: he looks terrified

angry gay teen: guys

angry gay teen: YOU FUCKS HEY

galactic paternal unit: keith what is it

angry gay teen: mothman is outside my house walking around

pidgerson: keith ur lying

angry gay teen: NO PIDGE IM NOT SHITTING YOU

angry gay teen: HE IS RIGHT THERE

hunkles: oh god just wait for it

angry gay teen: why the fuck is he naruto running

angry gay teen: oh GOD

angry gay teen: ITS FUCKING LANCE

pidgerson: HAHAHAHAHAHA LANCE UR MY HERO

angry gay teen: he just shouted “im gonna stab you in the ass”

angry gay teen: RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A MIDDLE CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD

hunkles: r u n

angry gay teen: shiro mom just asked me “is that ur boyfriend?”

galactic paternal unit: kudos to mom

angry gay teen: ive never wanted to die this much in my life

angry gay teen: lance is just cackling on my front lawn

pidgerson: lance where did you get that outfit

hunkles: he bought a shit ton of feathers at walgreens once

hunkles: he just glued them to his shirt

bluebabe: keith is dead

bluebabe: i repeat

bluebabe: he dropped his phone the second his mom asked me to stay for dinner

bluebabe: #Priceless™ 

floormatt: imagine takashi shirogane

floormatt: crawling in your ear

floormatt: you tell him to stop but he’s in there

pidgerson: well i see you didnt get arrested

floormatt: no dad bailed me out

floormatt: he used the “i have a phd in astronomy you really want to mess with me” tactic

pidgerson: it works every time

galactic paternal unit: matt I never like swearing but what the actual fuck

galactic paternal unit: you almost get arrested and thats the first thing you say

pidgerson: like i said

pidgerson: Disappointment™ 

floormatt: have you ever told you you’re the best sister ever

pidgerson: yeah

floormatt: i lied

hunkles: get rekt scrublord

pidgerson: you come into my groupsnag

hunkles: groupsnag

floormatt: WE FOUND A NAME

pidgerson named the group chat “Groupsnag™”

bluebabe: mrs shirogane is the fucking best human ive met

bluebabe: shes showing me keiths baby photos

bluebabe: im deceased

angry gay teen: shiro please come home early from your little work party and save me from this embarrassment

galactic paternal unit: sorry keithers you got urself into this mess

angry gay teen: FUCK YOU

bitch goddess: i just drove a tank

bitch goddess: i guess you can say it was

bitch goddess: egg-citing


	4. sned n00des starring keith kogane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith gets a text from a mysterious number

angry gay teen: so im just sitting here

angry gay teen: working on my bike

angry gay teen: when some number texts me

angry gay teen: ‘you’re cute! ;)’

angry gay teen: shiro help

galactic paternal unit: i don’t know how to help you

hunkles: maybe respond like ‘thanks?’

hunkles: and then ask who they are

angry gay teen: i can’t let them know that im socially awkward

angry gay teen: lets just hope this mystery person is a gay guy who is my age and not a creep

pidgerson: well good luck with that

pidgerson: it’s probably a middle ages guy in his 50s

pidgerson: or a straight girl who stalks you and won’t leave you alone

angry gay teen: ugh both of them are horrible

pidgerson: do you know anyone who fits those descriptions

angry gay teen: for the straight girls, probably half my class before i dropped out

bluebabe: i still dont understand why they chose you over me

pidgerson: probably because he looks better than you

bluebabe: pidge you wound me

hunkles: or that keith just gives off this mysterious vibe

hunkles: and everyone wants to open him up

hunkles: like an egg

angry gay teen: did you just compare me to an egg

bitch goddess: i actually think keith is more like a tennis ball

angry gay teen: ...why?

bitch goddess: whenever someone wants to get you to open up they grunt because it’s frustrating

bitch goddess: women grunt more because youre gay

angry gay teen: i can’t fucking believe youre comparing me to a tennis ball

floormatt: wait keith did you respond to mystery person yet

angry gay teen: no

hunkles: just say thanks

angry gay teen: fine

angry gay teen: i did

angry gay teen: oH GOD THEYRE TYPING

floormatt: we shouldnt keep refering them as “mystery person”

floormatt: we need to give them a name

pidgerson: what about “Stalker Hoe”

floormatt: no too simple

galactic paternal unit: snipper bob

floormatt: YES

floormatt: I LOVE IT

floormatt: okay keith how is snipper bob

angry gay teen: question

angry gay teen: what do you do when someone says “send nudes”

pidgerson: SJDGHBLKDFSKONHGB

pidgerson: you got asked for nudes

pidgerson: i cant fucking believe it

pidgerson: lance hasnt even been asked that

corbin bleu: my boy is growing up!

angry gay teen: oh god what do I do

galactic paternal unit: definitely do not send nudes

angry gay teen: no shit sherlock

hunkles: i mean i would say ignore them

hunkles: but this is interesting and intriguing

floormatt: ask who they are

angry gay teen: okay i asked “who are you”

floormatt: now we wait

pidgerson: i kind of feel bad for the person behind the screen

pidgerson: they have to deal with someone as stubborn as keith

angry gay teen: you’re fucking stubborn too pidge

pidgerson: not as much as you

pidgerson: brooding is like your favorite hobby

hunkles: has anyone seen lance

hunkles: he’s only popped in once or twice

bluebabe: IM HERE

bluebabe: sorry i was helping my sister 

hunkles: which one you have like 6

bluebabe: i have 4 and sofia aka the youngest

bluebabe: she has this science project that literally is about surveying siblings

bluebabe: im giving the most obscured answers on purpose

bluebabe: she asked what are you gonna name your first born kid

bluebabe: i said “i would name them snuuguu wuuguu”

pidgerson: what the fuck

angry gay teen: i dont understand how siblings work

galactic paternal unit: keith im right here

galactic paternal unit: dipshit

pidgerson: OOOO SHIRO SWORE

pidgerson: CALL THE POLICE

angry gay teen: you dont count

angry gay teen: i meant younger siblings

bluebabe: keith buddy,my man

bluebabe: do yourself a favor and never get them

bluebabe: theyre a pain in the ass

bluebabe: just like a “stab in the ass”

angry gay teen: i fucking hate you so much

bluebabe: no you dont

pidgerson: ANYWAY BEFORE YOU START YELLING AT EACH OTHER

pidgerson: how is snipper bob

angry gay teen: hasnt responded yet

floormatt: well isnt that a damn shame

angry gay teen: wait theyre typing

angry gay teen: are you fucking kidding me

pidgerson: what happened

angry gay teen: “thy name is bizzle bipple”

hunkles: is it just me

hunkles: or does that sound like lance

bluebabe: what noooooooo

pidgerson: yeah that sounds like a lance name

floormatt:  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

bluebabe: i don’t know what you guys are talking about

bluebabe: im just helping my sister

angry gay teen: no i dont think they know me

angry gay teen: plus why would lance ask me for nudes

pidgerson: if i could do that “you dont know shit right now” cough i would

angry gay teen: what don’t i know

hunkles: lance is bi by the way

angry gay teen: i know that

hunkles: oh mY GOD KEITH YOURE CLUELESS

bluebabe: hunk keep your pretty mouth shut

hunkles: aww you just called my mouth pretty

hunkles: thank you

pidgerson: keith you are the captain of a boat

pidgerson: that boat is called “Obliviously Stupid”

angry gay teen: well aren’t you a sweetheart

pidgerson: i know

angry gay teen: pidge would you mind tracking the ip address for me

pidgerson: sure what is it

angry gay teen: 206.171.155.242

pidgerson: kay brb

hunkles: lance if it’s you youre in deep shit

bluebabe: nope im not cause its not me

pidgerson: lance

pidgerson: the ip address is ur house

bluebabe: oh no

hunkles: I KNEW IT   


galactic paternal unit: lance why did you ask keith for nudes

bluebabe: um

bluebabe: i cant answer that

floormatt: of course you cant

angry gay teen: lance

angry gay teen: you couldve just asked

angry gay teen: i mean what

pidgerson: you two are so fucking gay for each other i cant stand it anymore

 


	5. National Velociraptor Awareness Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The broganes are feeling a bit sad and the squad always comes in with the clutch.

galactic paternal unit: you know what pisses me off?

galactic paternal unit: a lot of things where do I start

bitch goddess: what happened shiro 

galactic paternal unit: someone told me it was pancake day

galactic paternal unit: and i got excited

galactic paternal unit: but apparently it isnt pancake day

galactic paternal unit: so i cried

floormatt: shiro what drugs are you on and who gave them to you

floormatt: i want some

pidgerson: matt no remember last time

pidgerson: you accidentally got high

pidgerson: you stole dads car

pidgerson: and you went to a mcdonalds and sobbed in the parking lot

floormatt: YO WHAT IF RONALD WAS THERE AND REMEMBERED ME

floormatt: it's destiny

hunkles: matt no

floormatt: matt yes

galactic paternal unit: no I just had enough of this bullshit

galactic paternal unit: why can't I just go and chill with Allura and Coran in Georgia

corbin bleu: sorry Shiro! We’re already on our way back.

corbin bleu: Alfor says hello!

galactic paternal unit: you know what

galactic paternal unit: fuck this shit I'm moving in with Alfor

bitch goddess: oh god the two dads

bitch goddess: that should be interesting

galactic paternal unit: we should add him

bitch goddess: no absolutely not 

galactic paternal unit: i need someone to bond with

pidgerson: *wink wink nudge nudge* HEEYY KEEEIITTTH

angry gay teen: what the fuck do you want

pidgerson: it's your favorite word

pidgerson: bond

angry gay teen: you know what fuck you

bitch goddess: someone's salty

pidgerson: broganes are not in good moods today

bluebabe: awwww Keith

bluebabe: you want me to come over and cheer you up

hunkles: #keithsayyes

angry gay teen: yeah please

bluebabe: kay be there in ten

pidgerson: Keith do you know what day it is

angry gay teen: is it someone's birthday 

pidgerson: probably but that's not what I'm talking about

pidgerson: it's national velociraptor awareness day 

angry gay teen: F U C K SHIT HOW COULD I FORGET

hunkles: I don't know if that's sarcastic or not

pidgerson: no it's not

pidgerson: this is like his favorite day of the fucking year

hunkles: how much you wanna bet lance is gonna show up in a velociraptor costume

pidgerson: oh he so is

angry gay teen: lance 

angry gay teen: it would make my day a lot less shitty

angry gay teen: if you came in a velociraptor suit

bluebabe: kay I'll be there in 20 minutes then

pidgerson: #truelove

hunkles: im shedding tears

hunkles: this is so cute

bluebabe: shhhhhhhhhhhhh

bluebabe: im gonna scram for a bit I gotta go into Party City

floormatt: why the fuck is he going into party city

pidgerson: to get a velociraptor costume for Keith

hunkles: when's the wedding

angry gay teen: none of you are invited

hunkles: aw rude

angry gay teen: only Coran can come

corbin bleu: thanks!

bitch goddess: somebody once told me

galactic paternal unit: the world is gonna roll me

bitch goddess: I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

galactic paternal unit: she was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

bitch goddess: with the shape of an L on her forehead

hunkles: what just happened

pidgerson: I have no idea

angry gay teen: is this some kind of ritual you two do in your free time 

angry gay teen: no?

angry gay teen: okay

floormatt: oh keith and pidge are gonna kill me

pidgerson: why

floormatt: I found a cryptid museum 

pidgerson: no

pidgerson: I don't believe you

floormatt: pidge im not shitting you

floormatt: it's called “Museum of Unnatural History”

angry gay teen: fuck I wanna go

angry gay teen: but today we must pray to the velociraptor

hunkles: keith do you need a doctor

angry gay teen: nope I'm good

galactic paternal unit: hey remember that song you all made about me getting run over by a cryptid

galactic paternal unit: how did that go

angry gay teen: Shiro got run over by a cryptid Walking home from our house Christmas eveYou can say there's no such thing as MothmanBut as for me and Pidgey we believe

angry gay teen: you're welcome

hunkles: is everyone in this chat literally on drugs

pidgerson: I don't know anymore

angry gay teen: Lance is my new favorite human

angry gay teen: he is in a velociraptor costume screaming “JOHN CENA”

pidgerson: you looooooovvveeee him

angry gay teen: Pidge shut it 

hunkles: awww that's gay

galactic paternal unit: you know it's great to see my baby brother all grown up

pidgerson: wait Keith why were you such in a shitty mood today

angry gay teen: I don't know I just was

pidgerson: welp

bluebabe: KEEEEIIITTH KEITHY BABY

angry gay teen: oh no what

bluebabe: let me in

angry gay teen: no

bluebabe: I do so much for you and this is thanks I get 

angry gay teen: fine

corbin bleu: Ah young love! 

pidgerson: this too gay even for me

hunkles: a n y w a y

hunkles: is everyone happy now

hunkles: cause I made cookies for everyone just in case

pidgerson: Hunk is too pure for this world

bluebabe: no questions asked 

galactic paternal unit: well

galactic paternal unit: today has gotten better because of y'all

pidgerson: did

pidgerson: did Shiro just say ‘yall’ 

bluebabe: I believe he did

pidgerson: it's the end of the word as we know it oh no

angry gay teen:... ya’ll 


	6. pidge lost her bopping privileges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge bops in class too much and there's consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo sorry about not updating, I started it during Spring Break and after I went back to school i may or may not have had no motivation. But I decided it woud be a good idea to update cause school is almost done for me and I'm probably gonna updat more. So have this shitshow of a chapter.

pidgerson: okay

pidgerson: don't get mad

angry gay teen: i’m always mad pidge

pidgerson: keith this doesn’t even apply to you

hunkles: im scared pidge what did you do

pidgerson: so you all know i like to listen to music in class right

pidgerson: y’know while doing work and stuff

bluebabe: pidge i fucking swear if you got youtube blocked

pidgerson: okay technically i didn’t get the website blocked….but i did get pretty much all the music blocked

bluebabe: PIDGE WHAT THE FUCK

pidgerson: I’m sorRY i wanted to listen to some music in class and iverson caught me and he told the supervisor so now it’s banned

angry gay teen: thank god i don't have to deal with iverson anymore, he was a prick

blubabe: you punched him in the eye and got kicked out or ‘dropped out’ as you like to call it

angry gay teen: and? i don’t regret it

pidgerson: i mean, i can always hack it and take restrictions off

hunkles: pidge you got us in this mess you better fix it

galactic paternal unit: Why are you guys listening to music in class anyway?

bluebabe: oh shit

bluebabe: run

hunkles: i know who can fix this

hunkles: MATT

floormatt: Hunk called and I’m here

floormatt: whatcha need my home boi

hunkles: first of all i need you to never say that again

hunkles: second of all can you take restrictions off of youtube @ the garrison, your sister made everyone lose their privileges

floormatt: that sounds like her  

galactic paternal unit: You aren’t even allowed to listen to music in the first place.

blubabe: what makes you think we follow the rules?

galactic paternal unit: ...good point

corbin bleu: Looks like the Garrison Trio is in a pickle!

angry gay teen: hey that gives me an idea

angry gay teen: matt can you photoshop Lance, Pidge, and Hunk in a actual pickle

floormatt: keith what

bitch goddess: even i'm surprised

floormatt: i'm not declining i'll do it i wasn’t expecting it from you tho

bluebabe: matt have mercy

floormatt: don’t blame me it was ur boyfriend who asked me

bluebabe: fine do it

hunkles: see you bring keith up in anything and lance will automatically be like “kay fine lets do it”

bitch goddess: because he loooooovvvvveeesss him

bluebabe: i mean,,,,,where’s the lie

galactic paternal unit: Lance, Keith just threw his phone at a wall and he’s bright red what have you done?

bluebabe: KEEEIITTTTH COME BACK

corbin bleu: Ya hear that?

corbin bleu: That’s the sound of young love.

pidgerson: Lance i think ur the first person keith has ever been this smitten for

angry gay teen: pidge i swear to god if you say another thing im-

bluebabe: AND HES BACK

angry gay teen: i hate all of you

hunkles: what did i do?

angry gay teen: i hate everyone but hunk

hunkles: and lance right????

angry gay teen: no comment

pidgerson: see folks that right there... is gay

bluebabe: uh guYS

bitch goddess: whats wrong lance

bluebabe: THERES A SPIDER IN MY ROOM AND IM FREAKING OUT

bluebabe: _1 Attachment_

bluebabe: I THINK ITS A DADDY LONG LEG BUT I DONT KNOW

pidgerson: i mean it’s a good looking spider but i wouldn’t say it’s daddy

hunkles: what

pidgerson: what

angry gay teen: why don’t you hit it with a shoe or something?

bluebabe: YOU THINK I WANT TO HIT

bluebabe: IT COULD JUMP ON ME

galactic paternal unit: Lance, most spiders are harmless and they kill other bugs.

bluebabe: I WANT IT  O U T

bluebabe: wait i have an old physics textbook i can smash it with

hunkles: I’m rooting for you buddy!

bluebabe: Thanks Hunk you’re my bestest friend ever.

hunkles: <3

floormatt: okay what did i miss

bitch goddess: where even were you?

floormatt: dad wanted me to go get food at the grocery store and said store didn’t have service

pidgerson: oh yeah matt forgot to ask, how is DC

floormatt: it’s great! i’ve seen more museums than i have chemical equations and i’ve never felt more alive

floormatt: i don’t wanna leave

pidgerson: good stay there i want ur hacking equipment

floormatt: i never said you could have my hacking equipment

bluebabe: HA I GOT THAT FUCKER

bluebabe: OH GOD THERES SPIDER GUTS ON MY CEILING

hunkles: ewwwww

angry gay teen: just wipe it off?

bluebabe: SEE Keith this is a perfect example that we are in fact, polar opposites

angry gay teen: and opposites attract?

bluebabe: EXACTLY

bitch goddess: also lance out of everything you had to kill the spider, a textbook? really?

bluebabe: I, in fact, had the textbook right next to me so I grabbed it.

galactic paternal unit: and you also love to use the phrase, “In fact” way too much

pidgerson: HA GET REKT BITCH

bluebabe: That’s my new favorite phrase

bluebabe: it makes me feel smarter

corbin bleu: Lance, I thought you told us your favorite phrase happened to be, “Litty titty,” and I have no idea what that means

pidgerson: OG;ODIFD  OH MY GOD

bluebabe: coran that is the best thing you’ve ever said

corbin bleu: Well technically I didn’t say anything, I typed it.

hunkles: still counts

galactic paternal unit: I think we should change the name of this chat. 

galactic paternal unit: Groupsnag™ Seems a bit odd.

pidgerson: we should all say a word then mash them together

pidgerson: my word is “Gay”

floormatt: Bull penis

bluebabe: Cod

angry gay teen: sweat

hunkles: flowers

bitch goddess: sCrEaM

corbin bleu: tank

galactic paternal unit: spider

pidgerson: oh god okay “A Sweating Gay Cod doing a sCrEaM because of a spider bull penis coming at them on a flower tank.”

galactic paternal unit: That is not going to be our chat name.

galactic paternal unit: That's even worse than the first one.

floormatt: are you kidding? of course thats it

_bluebabe has named the chat “A Sweating Gay Cod doing a sCrEaM because of a spider bull penis coming at them on a flower tank.”_

galactic paternal unit: i am disappointed

galactic paternal unit: in all of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got inspiration from what my best friend did,,,she literally bopped so much that my school put restrictions on music


	7. rip lance he's dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4 am squabbles. Lance is sick. Coran find his new identity in a starch. Shiro finds Keith's old emo tweets.

bluebabe: i know it’s super fucking early in the morning

bluebabe: and you all are probably wondering

bluebabe: “why is lance up this early?”

bluebabe: well i never went to sleep in the first place

bluebabe: CAUSE IM SICK

corbin bleu: Oh gosh! Drink some prune juice and try and get some sleep!

bluebabe: thanks coran

pidgerson: Lance at least you can go to a real doctor

pidgerson: I go to a goddamn pediatrician. 

bluebabe: KFNSKXNEMFJJS

bluebabe: fetus

pidgerson: fuck you

floormatt: it's 4 am why are you guys awake

bluebabe: like I said, i, sir lancelot, am sick

pidgerson: with what a cold??

bluebabe: idk probably

corbin bleu: Lance, you should go to a doctor later today. Just go make sure you're alright.

bluebabe: Thanks, Corn.

bluebabe: Coran*

pidgerson: C O R N

floormatt: you can't spell Coran without corn

corbin bleu: I'm going to change my username.

pidgerson: oh my god Coran hell yeah

_ corbin bleu has changed their user to ‘corn’ _

corn: there

bluebabe: Coran ur my hero

corn: Why thank you young one.

pidgerson: lance, ur suffering made me remember my doctors appointment today

bluebabe: wow I'm flattered

galactic paternal unit: Why are you all so active at 4 in the morning?

bluebabe: Shiro!!!!

pidgerson: Lance started it

bluebabe: hey just because I talked first doesn't mean you have to respond

floormatt: he has a point

galactic paternal unit: I'm up for my workout routine.

floormatt: At...4 in the morning.

galactic paternal unit: Yes Matt, at 4.

pidgerson: so I'm guessing everyone else is asleep

pidgerson: aka Allura, Keith, and Hunk

galactic paternal unit: Yeah Keith isn't waking up anytime soon.

floormatt: God Shiro it sounds like you killed him

floormatt: rip keith he's dead

galactic paternal unit: he's a really deep sleeper when he's relaxed

galactic paternal unit: and ever since Mom sent us here to Colorado he's been happier

galactic paternal unit: but he clearly misses Lance

bluebabe: WAIT REALLY

bluebabe: SHIRO I WILL PAY YOU MONEY TO SEND ME A PHOTO OF SLEEPING KEITH

galactic paternal unit: here

galactic paternal unit:  _ 1 Attachment _

pidgerson: he looks??? peaceful???

pidgerson: what the fuck

bluebabe: that's my phone wallpaper holy shit

pidgerson: he's always angry but seeing him relaxed is like seeing a cryptid

corn: #KeithIsACryptid

floormatt: fuck yeah

galactic paternal unit: oh no he woke up

galactic paternal unit: I locked myself in my room so I don't feel tired Keith's wrath

pidgerson: Tired Keith??

bluebabe: Keith gets all cranky when you wake him up from a good sleep. He threw a remote at my face once.

floormatt: Lance how do you know this?

bluebabe: because...he's stayed over my house a couple times

pidgerson: ha that's gay

bluebabe: so are you

pidgerson: ur point?

angry gay teen: Shiro’s dead.

galactic paternal unit: Not yet.

angry gay teen: you woke me up ur fucking dead

bluebabe: Keith, darling, calm down.

angry gay teen: I can't fucking calm down he woke me up god dammit

bluebabe: oh god we need hunk

bluebabe: H U N K

hunkles: this better be good Lance

bluebabe: Keith's grumpy

angry gay teen: I'm not grumpy

galactic paternal unit: you threatened to kill me

angry gay teen: with reason

hunkles: Keith if you're tired, then just go back to sleep.

angry gay teen: …

angry gay teen: Okay.

bluebabe: he listens to hunk but not his boyfriend 

bluebabe: I don't know whether to be appalled or happy 

bluebabe: cause hunk is a god

hunkles: oh no not this again

pidgerson: wait so we’re only missing Allura for our 4 am squabbles

bitch goddess: no no, I'm here

galactic paternal unit: Where have you been?

bitch goddess: dying

pidgerson: um. what.

bitch goddess: I'm the void Pidge.

pidgerson: ooookkkaaaaayyy then

bluebabe: so apparently according to WebMD I'm gonna die

angry gay teen: Lance what

pidgerson: oh god don't tell him, Keith's gonna get protective

bluebabe: I'm sick

angry gay teen: With??

bluebabe: a cold or flu, idk

angry gay teen: Lance you should get some rest. Sleep can heal.

hunkles: Keith's a doctor 2k17

bluebabe: I've been trying to sleep keithers 

floormatt: He brought out the nicknames

floormatt: He's on the verge of collapsing

angry gay teen: on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad do you feel?

bluebabe: a strong 7

angry gay teen: do you want me to come back?

galactic paternal unit: Keith no

bluebabe: Keith, have fun in Colorado you don't need to come to take care of me

angry gay teen: how bout I do

angry gay teen: a n y w a y

pidgerson: Keith you just used a meme I'm proud

bluebabe: Keith you only have a couple days left, stay there and I'll be there when you get back

angry gay teen: ...fine

floormatt: AWW KEITHS PROTECTIVE

galactic paternal unit: he denies it but he's a softie

angry gay teen: stop

angry gay teen: now

corn: Don't worry Keith we all know.

bitch goddess: you usually seem brooding and emo most of the time but ur actually nice

bluebabe: hes the definition of “*nuzzle* rawr XD”

hunkles: lance you know I love you but when you say shit like that it pains me man

pidgerson: Furry™

angry gay teen: lance that was a long time ago

galactic paternal unit: You want me to find Keiths old tweets from when he was 12

pidgerson: shiro ur a god

angry gay teen: shiro i’ll pummel you

bitch goddess: i wanna see these

angry gay teen: n o

bluebabe: keith you won’t let me go on ur old ass twitter

bluebabe: shiro, i need these for my crops to be watered

galactic paternal unit: “shiro doesnt understand, he can wear eyeliner, but makes fun of my eyeshadow...fuck off shiro” 

pidgerson: KEITH OH MY GOD FJHGKFG

bluebabe: shiro please oh my god i need more

angry gay teen: shiro if you bring up the thread im gonna kill you

galactic paternal unit: ….that reminds me

floormatt: i know exactly what this is oh my god i thought i’d never see it again

galactic paternal unit: “"never gonna fit in much kid"-mcr...this quote relates to me becuse i feel like i see myself in this (part 1)”

corn: oh my gosh

galactic paternal unit: “i never thought a band would help me sm in life, i feel like a changed person (part 2)”

hunkles: SHIRO YOU JUST KILLED LANCE

galactic paternal unit: How?

hunkles: he has a flu, and he started laughing so hard, his throat got too dry, and he threw up

floormatt: rip lance he’s dead

floormatt: also how tf did you know that

hunkles: we were facetiming

pidgerson: keith you killed ur boyfriend with your cringy emo phase

pidgerson: how do you feel?

angry gay teen: i hate you shiro

angry gay teen: so much

bitch goddess: You mean, in your words, “sm”

angry gay teen: I hate you all

bluebabe: im not dead

bluebabe: but holy fuck keith that was the best thing i’ve ever read

angry gay teen: it made you throw up

bluebabe: of enjoyment

hunkles: okay now can we all go back to sleep and forget our 4 am squabbles never happend

corn: agreed


	8. lights out, screams out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge and Lance both have doctor appointments. Children are screaming and Hunk asks a girl out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoooo dudes thanks for all the support and everything!!! i love y'all so much!!!!!!!!

hunkles: okay now that it's noon

hunkles: it's a respectable hour to meme

corn: I hope Lance isn’t dead.

bluebabe: nah im here

bluebabe: my mom dragged me to the doctor the second they opened

bitch goddess: shouldn’t doctors offices be open at any time

hunkles: no thats hospitals

bluebabe: my mom almost brought me to a hospital

angry gay teen: wait what?

hunkles: keith before you get protective and have an aneurysm , check the earlier messages

angry gay teen: lance how are you feeling?

bluebabe: better now that you’re here ;)

floormatt: Gay

pidgerson: Gay

angry gay teen: I mean,, where’s the lie

bluebabe: Keith, babe, you used a meme

floormatt: little person that is my sister

pidgerson: whAT

floormatt: how’s sitting in a  p e d i a t r i c i a n ' s office

hunkles: pidge is a baby

bitch goddess: fetus

pidgerson: matt i swear to god, you and your crusty ass

pidgerson: but actually it's been fuckin hilarious 

pidgerson: some kid tried to steal mom’s keys and successfully stole 2 dollars 

hunkles: poor Colleen

pidgerson: all I see is this 2 year old walk to mom’s purse and look inside, reach in grab the money, Mom turned as he dropped the keys, and almost stepped on him, afterwards he yelled “I HAVE 200 MONEYS”

bluebabe: my idol 

angry gay teen: tag yourself I'm Colleen

floormatt: Kudos to Mom 

hunkles: pictures or it didn't happen

pidgerson:  _ 1 Attachment  _

hunkles: oh my god she looks terrified

bitch goddess: that child looks so sneaky

bitch goddess: like he doesn't care that he almost got crushed

pidgerson: okay my name just got called gotta blast

bluebabe: bye gremlin!!!

pidgerson: fuk u

corn: Has anyone heard from Shiro?

floormatt: Idk, Keith ur on vacation with the man where is he?

angry gay teen: he left for a run at 7 

bluebabe: he's been running for 5 hours??

angry gay teen: nah he probably took a break in between

galactic paternal unit: When will my husband return from the skeleton war?

bitch goddess: Shiro what

angry gay teen: have you been possessed

angry gay teen: by Lance????

galactic paternal unit: yeah Keith call the exorcist I need it

angry gay teen: on it

hunkles: so…

hunkles: something happened…

bluebabe: hunk are you hurt???!!!

hunkles: no

corn: what happened?

angry gay teen: what did a science project explode?

hunkles: surprisingly no

hunkles: i may or may not have talked to someone today…

bluebabe: ...HUNK WAS IT THAT SWEET GIRL FROM THE CAFE

hunkles: …

hunkles: maybe

bluebabe: DID YOU FINALLY ASK HER OUT???

hunkles:,,,,,,yeah

bluebabe: JDNDJSJJDF WHAT DID SHE SAY

hunkles: she said yeah and I need help cause our date is tonight and I don't know what to do

bluebabe: HUNK ILL BE THERE IN SPIRIT SINCE IM SICK AND I DONT WANT YOU TO DIE

angry gay teen: wait who???

corn: Hunk! Congrats!

floormatt: She must be great if Hunk likes her

bluebabe: hunk and I were at the cafe a couple weeks ago studying and hunk accidentally bumped into this girl named Shay and she was so nice

bluebabe: and hunk, being the charming, soft guy he is, offered for her to study with us

bluebabe: and she did and hunk didn't study at all, he was gazing at her the whole time

hunkles: lance,,,,please have mercy

bluebabe: so now he goes to that cafe just to talk to her

bluebabe: AND HE FINALLY ASKED HER OUT IM SO PROUD

galactic paternal unit: I hope it works out between you two!

bitch goddess: you've been blessed by Shiro 

bitch goddess: it'll work out

angry gay teen: that's awesome Hunk

hunkles: thanks guys, I love you guys

bluebabe: <33333

pidgerson: first of all

pidgerson: CONGRATS HUNK

pidgerson: second of all

pidgerson: the power just went out at the doctor's office

floormatt: remembering all the friends we mcfreakin lost along the way

floormatt: but i bet Mothman’s gonna kill you

angry gay teen: he would never

pidgerson: oh gOD CHILDREN ARE SCREAMING

bluebabe:  _ screeeeeeeeEEEECCCHH _

pidgerson: I swear there are 4 babies in here and they're all terrified

galactic paternal unit: Pidge, this is training for adulthood.

pidgerson: hell no

pidgerson: I'm just laughing now

hunkles: pidge that's mean

hunkles: ur laughing at children suffering

pidgerson: hey I'm not as bad as Mom

pidgerson: she's making a beat to it

bluebabe: Mood™: Beat boxing to children screaming

floormatt: please send evidence

floormatt: i wanna show dad

pidgerson:  _ 1 Video Attachment _

angry gay teen: holy fuck

angry gay teen: Pidge I love your mom

pidgerson: Colleen said, “Did you send that to your little me-me squad”

bitch goddess: your mom is a meme icon

bluebabe: #ColleenForPresident

floormatt: I've never seen dad laugh till he cried before

pidgerson: JEJFKDKD

floormatt: he can't stop laughing 

bluebabe: oh my god i burst out laughing in a waiting room

bluebabe: everyone S T A R E D

bluebabe: oh thank god im next

bluebabe: I can't live with that embarrassment

pidgerson: Lance you are an embarrassment

galactic paternal unit: Pidge you need to post that

galactic paternal unit: It'll blow up

corn: I agree with this.

angry gay teen: do it

pidgerson: Mom said it's okay so I'm posting it to YouTube 

pidgerson: I want NASA officials to see this video when they search me 

hunkles: that will 100% get you in

angry gay teen: if there's any blowback blame it on Shiro

galactic paternal unit: I'll take full responsibility since I told you to post it

bitch goddess: #MakeColleenGoViral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,,, the thing tht happened to pidge actually happened to me and i knew i had to write it in. onto the next chapter my dudes!!!


	9. parcheezy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura babysits. Hunk gets a cat. And Shiro is high on tiredness and gets attacked by birds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holyyyy fuck guys damn i was not expecting positive feedback for this,,, but THANK YOU GUYS ANYWAY!!!!

bitch goddess: you know 

bitch goddess: babysitting is harder than it looks

bitch goddess: this one girl cried because she got mascara on her toenail

bluebabe: i have 2 little sisters i have to deal with that every day

bluebabe: fight me

hunkles: rip lance you just challenged allura

hunkles: you’re gonna die

bluebabe: Befooled by hope, we dance into the arms of death every day

bitch goddess: who are you keith???

floormatt: conspiracy lance is actually keith

floormatt: speaking of Keith

floormatt: where is that little emo

angry gay teen: matt ur shorter than me

floormatt: little emo

corn: Aren’t you and Shiro coming back today?

pidgerson: yeah from ur little trip to C O L O R A D O

bluebabe: snudder mado

angry gay teen: yeah we’re at the airport now

angry gay teen: shiro is high on tiredness

corn: Oh jeez

angry gay teen: “you know when ur tired but ur not tired enough to sleep but tired enough to know you’ve gone bat-shit insane” -my brother

floormatt: yup that sounds like him

galactic paternal unit: fuk u mat

angry gay teen: he has horrible spelling too

galactic paternal unit: yuo kno what kieth

hunkles: if we’re being grammatically correct that’s how keith's name should be spelled

hunkles: ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’

pidgerson: holy shit youre right

bluebabe: kieth

angry gay teen: no

galactic paternal unit: you kno what kieth fight me

bitch goddess: fight fight fight

angry gay teen: don’t encourage him

angry gay teen: okay we gotta get on our flight so i’ll let you guys know when we land

corn: That’s oddly responsible of you, Keith

hunkles: have a safe trip!!

pidgerson: i hope you don’t die

pidgerson: also on the subject of trips,,, matt when the fuck are you coming home

floormatt: AWWW DOES KATHLEEN ROSELYN HOLT MISS ME

pidgerson: i

pidgerson: will strangle you all the way from Seattle to D.C

bluebabe: things are getting feisty between the holts

floormatt: i’ll be home by next week

bitch goddess: don’t get lost again please

floormatt: i’ll try not to

hunkles: we don’t need another McDonalds incident

hunkles: everyone i’d like to inform you that i got a cat

bluebabe: W  H AT

bluebabe: W H EN 

hunkles: my mom brought her home and said “this is a new addition to our family”

pidgerson: wait which mom was it

hunkles: Daisy

bitch goddess: is she the one that brought like half of a bakery to my birthday last year

hunkles: Yes

pidgerson: Hunk i love both of your moms so much

bluebabe: wAIT WHATS THE KITTIES NAME

hunkles: i don’t know but i’ll gladly take suggestions

floormatt: you asked the wrong pool of friends for this

bluebabe: Sir Hog

pidgerson: Purrscilla

bluebabe: Sasha Biggiepotamus Fierce

pidgerson: New Shoes

floormatt: Fuzzy Wuzzy

bluebabe: Honest Bob

floormatt: Rump Roast

corn: Sometimes I think life doesn’t have meaning

bluebabe: beanstalk

hunkles: i’ll take suggestions from literally anyone else

angry gay teen: parcheezy

pidgerson: what

floormatt: what

bluebabe: w h a t 

hunkles:...i like it

floormatt: oH COME ON I DONT PULL OUT RUMP ROAST FOR ANYONE

bluebabe: hunk are you serious

angry gay teen: he better be

pidgerson: come on hunk think about New Shoes

hunkles: idk parcheezy is speaking to me

angry gay teen: ha suck it

bitch goddess: what

bitch goddess: just happened

bitch goddess: see this is the type of shit that happens when shiro’s gone

corn: I thought it was quite interesting to say the least.

hunkles: okay her name is parcheezy

angry gay teen: f u c k  y e a h

bluebabe: i am disgusted

bluebabe: i am revolted

bluebabe: i dedicate my whole life to our lord and savior jesus christ

bluebabe: anD THIS IS THE THANKS I GET

floormatt: hunk my main man

floormatt: you cannot name your cat ‘parcheezy’

hunkles: nope can’t take it back my moms love it

angry gay teen: Keith 1 Everyone Else 0

galactic paternal unit: I leave for 2.5 hours and i come back to this

angry gay teen: after our flight you argued with the Cinnabon man about the temperature of the pastries

galactic paternal unit: a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do

floormatt: You’re not a man,,,, you’re 6

bluebabe: he’s a…..

pidgerson: don’t do it

bluebabe: young boi

bluebabe: that was taken to the city

bluebabe: to see a marching band

angry gay teen: more like get attacked by birds

hunkles: wait explain

galactic paternal unit: keith don’t

angry gay teen: when we were getting off the plane there was a swarm of birds that just went after shiro

angry gay teen: i’ve introduced him as bird man to random people as we’re leaving the airport

pidgerson: you can’t escape the birds

hunkles: the birds probably saw shiro’s white floof and thought ‘one of us one of us’

galactic paternal unit: They did not.

pidgerson: I know since I astral projected into the birds mind and went after you.

bluebabe: shiro you had a near death experience

galactic paternal unit: Explain

bluebabe: no one escapes the wrath of pidge and lives

floormatt: i have

floormatt: for the past 15 years

pidgerson: yes because i was haunting you from the womb

angry gay teen: Pidge is about to snatch ya womb

angry gay teen: look out

bluebabe: keith are you high

angry gay teen: #PidgeBouttaSnatchYaWomb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got a at recently and i saw the name parcheezy and i had to make a meme out of it so here we are,, my cat's name is Zuko because i fucking love Zuko from ATLA so i said 'fuck it' 
> 
> A N Y W A Y
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and onto the next shitshow...


	10. heterosexuality? i don't know her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coran almost dies. Allura borderline shanks a dude. Matt comes home. And Shiro is riding in style.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so....sorry i haven't updated i just wasn't motivated but HERE'S AN UPDATE CAUSE I'M PROCRASTINATING SUMMER WORK

floormatt: guess who’s back

floormatt: back again

floormatt: matthews back

floormatt: tell a friend

pidgerson: no

floormatt: r00d

galactic paternal unit: matt which terminal are you in??

floormatt: just meet us outside we’ll find ur car

floormatt: its bright pink and hard to miss

bluebabe: wait shiro ur car is PINK???

bluebabe: not judging

angry gay teen: he wants it shiro don’t give it to him

galactic paternal unit: i wasn’t gonna 

hunkles: all i can picture is someone seeing that on the highway thinking a teenage girl is driving but nope, it’s a badass man in his mid twenties that looks like he can rip you a new asshole

bluebabe: i juST SPAT OUT MY DRINK HUNK NO

angry gay teen: HE SPAT IT ON ME 

pidgerson: you deserve it

angry gay teen: this is homophobic

bitch goddess: periods are homophobic

pidgerson: PREACH

bitch goddess: i almost shanked someone today

corn: Oh no.

bluebabe: WHAT

bluebabe: WHY

bitch goddess: i was walking to starbucks when this asshole said, “Aw look at this cutie coming to Starbucks to hang with her basic friends.” 

bluebabe: BITCH

bitch goddess: and then when i glared at him he said, “looks like it’s your time of the month right sweetheart”

pidgerson: ugh people like that need to choke

bluebabe: please tell me you said something

bitch goddess: i did better

bluebabe: ?

bitch goddess: i punched him in the face

bluebabe: YE S

galactic paternal unit: sometimes violence is the answer

bitch goddess: then he made another comment saying, “ooo the hot girl’s feisty”

bluebabe: who is he i'll kill him

bitch goddess: then i pulled the knife that keith got me for my birthday and i threatened him

bitch goddess: he left me the fuck alone after that

angry gay teen: SEE I TOLD YOU IT WOULD COME IN HANDY

pidgerson: fruit salad

floormatt: yummy yummy

hunkles: the wiggles was an era no one can get over,,,, i love the wiggles

pidgerson: what’s everyone's favorite kid shows im curious now

bluebabe: The Fresh Beat Band BITCH THAT SHIT WAS LIT

floormatt: go diego go

floormatt: that show may or may not have persuaded me to go into biology

galactic paternal unit: Bear in the Big Blue House or Lazy Town

bluebabe:  _ welcome to lazy tooooowwwwn a place where you wanna staayy _

angry gay teen: The Backyardigans was probably my favorite

angry gay teen: did anyone else notice pablo (that fucker) was in every episode

floormatt: oh yeah he was

bluebabe: you just liked it because of tasha

bluebabe: the yellow hippo

angry gay teen: i loved her so much

angry gay teen: my idol in life

pidgerson: I loved Team Umizoomi

pidgerson: milli was my first gay crush

bitch goddess: Maggie and the Ferocious Beast 100%

bluebabe: that show was so iconic

bitch goddess: all i remember when i watched it was one episode where they called this blue thing a “thingy majiggy” and i laughed way too hard

corn: mine was Sesame Street, a classic

galactic paternal unit: okay i have another embarrassing keith story

angry gay teen: oh god

galactic paternal unit: so have any of you seen Christmas Eve on Sesame Street from 1978?

floormatt: katie and i have

bluebabe: my family watches it every christmas

angry gay teen: Shiro.

hunkles: yup

galactic paternal unit: You guys know the scene where grouch fell down the stairs?

bluebabe: yes of course i do

angry gay teen: Shiro i’ll end you

galactic paternal unit: Keith cried when he watched that the first time

angry gay teen: THAT SCENE IS TERRIFYING

bluebabe: AWWW KEITH 

floormatt: is that why keith didn’t go down stairs for like a year

galactic paternal unit: yup

angry gay teen: i was 8 shiro it scared me

bluebabe: we don’t have to watch it on christmas keith

hunkles: lance did you just ask keith to go home with you for the holidays

bluebabe: shit maybe i did

angry gay teen: of course i’ll go 

pidgerson: gay

angry gay teen: who here isn’t gay pidge

pidgerson: oh my god none of us are fully straight holy s h i t

floormatt: heterosexuality? i don’t know her

galactic paternal unit: so we’re stuck in traffic

bitch goddess: wait how are you texting if you’re driving?

galactic paternal unit: i’m not

floormatt: dad is

pidgerson: DAD IS DRIVING SHIRO’S BRIGHT PINK CAR

pidgerson: never thought i’d see the day

hunkles: This is Shay.

hunkles: Hunk is getting us food so I took his phone.

bluebabe: HI SHAY!!

hunkles: Hello, Lance!

pidgerson: sooo are you two on a daaate???

hunkles: I’d like to think so!

galactic paternal unit: i approve 

galactic paternal unit: you use proper punctuation

angry gay teen: you don’t though

hunkles: Oh no he’s coming back. Bye!

bluebabe: BYE SHAY WE LOVE YOU

hunkles: my phone is back in my possession

hunkles: also thanks for the approval shiro

galactic paternal unit: no problem

corn: There is nothing more satisfying than spraining your ankle.

pidgerson: W H A T

bitch goddess: Coran what did you do??

corn: My foot rolled over a tennis ball and twisted!

bluebabe: oW

angry gay teen: are you okay?

floormatt: wait you play tennis??????

corn: Yes, Keith I'm okay. Just need to put some ice on it for a couple days.

corn: And yes Matthew I do!

corn: My grandfather played tennis all the time! He was the one that got me into it!

hunkles: we should all do squad tennis after Coran feels better

bluebabe: YES

angry gay teen: i’ll probably suck but okay

bluebabe: aw babe come on  _ you can do it if you try _

angry gay teen: you said that exact same thing when you put me on a mattress and slid me down the stairs

angry gay teen: I HAD LIKE 10 BRUISES

pidgerson: rip

bitch goddess: Hunk!!! You should bring Shay!

bluebabe: Y E S ASK HER NOW

hunkles: okay

pidgerson: YEAH WE WANNA MEET HER

hunkles: she said yeah!

bluebabe: Keith and I are gonna destroy you two

pidgerson: battle of the couples

angry gay teen: Lance I don't even know how to play and you don't either

bluebabe: WE HAVE TIME TO LEARN

angry gay teen: we’ll see about that

hunkles: shay could probably beat both of you

hunkles: she's on the tennis team

bluebabe: OH THATS NOT FAIR

hunkles: no take backs

bluebabe: dammit

galactic paternal unit: Matt you're my partner now

floormatt: oh hell yeah 

floormatt: I got Shiro we’re gonna win

pidgerson: Coran, Allura ur on my team 

bluebabe: yoU CANT HAVE 3 PEOPLE

pidgerson: there's an odd number so HA TAKE THAT LANCE

bluebabe: stfu you gremlin

galactic paternal unit: we should record this for the future

galactic paternal unit: show it to our kids

floormatt: this is our legacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> story time i started writing this last night but then half way through i fell alseep, went to tennis practice the next morning and hey look i pulled a coran and i laid on the court for like 20 minutes.... anyway thanks for reading!!


	11. Blocked.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith makes some mean lobster ravioli.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god this chapter is a damn mess,,, ALSO SEAONS 4 IS COMING OUT IN 4 DAYS AND IM NOT FUCKING PREPARED

hunkles:  _ Attachment 2 Images _

pidgerson: hunk 

pidgerson: buy those right now

bluebabe: is that what i think it is

hunkles: if you mean an emoji movie fidget spinner and an emoji stamp creator

hunkles: then you are right

bluebabe: i’m going to cry hunk

angry gay teen: please don’t

angry gay teen: also hunk ill pay you back if you buy me one

bluebabe: W H A T

galactic paternal unit: oh i forgot to tell you guys

galactic paternal unit: keith loved the emoji movie unironically

floormatt: wait wasn’t the only reason he didn’t go see it the day it came out was because it was lance’s birthday

galactic paternal unit: yes

angry gay teen: no

pidgerson: get fucked

bitch goddess: WHY DOES MY CAR SMELL LIKE PUSSY

corn: Excuse me?

bitch goddess: oh never mind it's just the garbage

pidgerson: I'm so confused

bluebabe: as am I

floormatt: Allura did you murder someone’s pussy

hunkles: oh my god

bitch goddess: no yes maybe 

bluebabe: CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER

angry gay teen: who wants some lobster ravioli

bluebabe: I do

hunkles: what's the occasion?

angry gay teen: I don't know I just feel like making lobster ravioli

galactic paternal unit: keith can make a mean lobster ravioli

galactic paternal unit: like it'll insult you and everything

floormatt: I'm allergic to shellfish

pidgerson: WAIT WHAT

floormatt: yeah oops

floormatt: I found out at Shiro's birthday party last year

floormatt: I ate shrimp and dad took me to the hospital

galactic paternal unit: is that why you left early

floormatt: yup

pidgerson: I feel betrayed

pidgerson: well more lobster ravioli for me I guess

corn: Keith! I didn't know you could cook.

galactic paternal unit: literally the only things he knows how to make are cereal, spaghetti, and lobster ravioli

angry gay teen: that's not true

angry gay teen: Lance and I made pancakes once

bluebabe: and you burned them

pidgerson: HA

angry gay teen: at least I'm better than shiro 

angry gay teen: he can't cook for shit

galactic paternal unit: wow keith 

galactic paternal unit: really hurting my feelings here

floormatt: after prom shiro and I were trying to make this amazing dish without cooking anything

pidgerson: wasn't it like,,, yogurt, pudding, strawberries, and kale all in a blender

floormatt: don't forget the raw, frozen shrimp

galactic paternal unit: ah yes I had food poisoning for 2 weeks after that

bluebabe: one time hunk and I took every single condiment out of my cabinets and threw it all in a blender

hunkles: then we did the cinnamon challenge

hunkles: well more like the “condiment challenge”

pidgerson: I recorded it and it was the funniest shit I've ever seen

pidgerson: I probably still have it on my computer somewhere

angry gay teen: go find it

angry gay teen: I need to see it

pidgerson: k

angry gay teen: oh no not again

pidgerson: ?

angry gay teen: remember a couple months ago when Lance made a fake number and started flirting with me?

hunkles: yup

angry gay teen: someone seems to be following in his footsteps

pidgerson: snipper bob 2.0

bluebabe: it's not me this time I swear

floormatt: I bet everything I have on it being Lance again

hunkles: quick pidge check the IP address again

pidgerson: on it

pidgerson: okay it says a different phone number but same IP

bluebabe: shit

angry gay teen: lance we’re literally dating you don’t need to get a new number to flirt with me

hunkles: oh he didn’t just do that

hunkles: he got a new phone

angry gay teen: oh my god lance why

bluebabe: because i love you and you need to be reminded that you’re beautiful 1000 times a day

bitch goddess: AWWWWWW   
galactic paternal unit: that’s sweet

floormatt: damn shiro why don’t you say stuff like that to me

pidgerson: SHDBFSUYGHNFJKDIT

galactic paternal unit: Blocked.

floormatt: EVEN BETTER

angry gay teen: oh no

angry gay teen: shiro’s boutta block everyone

pidgerson: everyone except you

angry gay teen: no he’s blocked me before

galactic paternal unit: yeah because you deserved it

hunkles: rip

floormatt: shiro needs to get his shit together

galactic paternal unit: i never had it together in the first place

bluebabe: GUYS GUYS

bluebabe: HALLOWEEN IS SUPER CLOSE

pidgerson: and keith’s birthday

angry gay teen: my what now

floormatt: guys lets hold a halloween themed party for keith

angry gay teen: w h a t

bluebabe: DONE YES SETTLED KEITH YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A SPOOKY BIRTHDAY PARTY

floormatt: i call dibs on the decorations

pidgerson: oh god

pidgerson: remember last time you set up a party

pidgerson: there was a single blow up tree in the corner and it was deflated

bluebabe: tag yourself im the tree on a daily basis

floormatt: not one of my proudest moments i’ll admit

galactic paternal unit: matt is the king of decorating

galactic paternal unit: when we were 7 he painted a fucking wiggles mural on his wall

pidgerson: I REMEMBER THAT

floormatt: I loved the Wiggles okay

bluebabe: honestly me too matt

galactic paternal unit: i almost blocked him irl afterwards

angry gay teen: oh god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like all of your comments make me really happy and i love all of you so much thnk you for appreciating this shit storm of a text crack fic!!!!!!!


	12. darude sandstorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't let Pidge go near fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my name is tara and i suck at updating......sorry about that, but school is taking a toll on all of my time but instead of working on homework i wrote this, but thank you for all of your support! I love you guys!

bluebabe: whats up sluts

angry gay teen: idk how are you?

bluebabe: FUCKING RUD E

floormatt: fucking decimated

hunkles: lance you 100% set yourself up for that

bluebabe: I KN OW AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT

floormatt: so it’s now officially the holidays

floormatt: time to bust a fat one

hunkles: W H A T

galactic paternal unit: matt holy shit what are you talking about

bluebabe: i mean you can it’s not no nut november anymore

bluebabe: the opportunities are endless

angry gay teen: are they really?

galactic paternal unit: Nothing is endless except the idea of death.

bluebabe: oKAY THEN

bitch goddess: i mean shiro does have a point

angry gay teen: don‘t encourage him allura

angry gay teen: please

corn: Well the gang is all here i see.

hunkles: except for pidge

hunkles: hey matt where is she anyway

floormatt: working on a lab at the garrison

bluebabe: jesus does she ever sleep?

floormatt: no

floormatt: wait i lied she does...but she sleeps on the fridge

galactic paternal unit: how the fuck does she sleep on the fridge

floormatt: you know that vine where its like[ “get on top of the fridge right now” “thIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYZ278_RwVU)

floormatt: that’s her

bluebabe: vine was a hellish piece of work wasn’t it?

bluebabe: everyone say their favorite vines ready go

hunkles: my favorite one was [“stop saying i look like chicken little, he’s dumb and he’s a coward aND I AM NOT A COWARD”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wmOnldmKQI)

galactic paternal unit: [“hahaha ay its ya boy uh...skinny penis”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaEVHO_AVKs)

angry gay teen: [“on all levels except physical i am a wolf…..ruff”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtH7l-dhHZQ)

floormatt:[ “CHRIS IS THAT A WEED?!” “no this is a crayon” “IM CALLING THE POLICE” *types 911 on the mircrowave* “911 what’s your emergency”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6cIYDvFS-U)

bluebabe: [“if there are any spirits here tonight...tell me...does this sound like shakira? lelelale”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS6NKwbabZw)

bitch goddess:[ “i want a church girl to go to church….aNd ReAd hER biBLe”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqCL2eyjqmM)

corn:[ “yup…..this is a bucket”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BTrMUVIazs)

pidgerson:[ *kermit falling from building” “oh my god..OH JEEZ OH MY GOD”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kUppMicNKs)

bluebabe: PI D G E!!!!

angry gay teen: glad you didn’t burn anything down

pidgerson:...

angry gay teen: oh shit what did you burn this time

galactic paternal unit: Pidge.

pidgerson: …...what

galactic paternal unit: What did you do?

pidgerson: Absolutely nothing.

floormatt: ‘Absolutely nothing’ my ass

floormat: check the fucking local news

hunkles: KDSJKFNCWRCGH HOLY SHIT

bluebabe: “Today on the third of December, a fire broke out in a laboratory at the Garrison Institute of Technology.” PIDGE WHAT DID YOU DO

pidgerson: loOK IT WASN’T TOTALLY MY FAULT

floormatt: YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE THERE

pidgerson: does Mac count as a person?

galactic paternal unit: Mac is a robot they can’t do shit

bluebabe: holy shit pidge you burned down 3 classrooms according to the report

angry gay teen: i’m applauding you right now

bitch goddess: you’re going to go to jail

pidgerson: nah i already deleted all of the records and video surveillance

corn: oh dear

pidgerson: i guess you could say the garrison is lit

galactic paternal unit: NO

pidgerson: no one got hurt so really what’s the damage?

hunkles: THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN PROPERTY DAMAGES

floormatt: well you know what i always say

floormatt: what the garrison doesn’t know won’t hurt them

hunkles: i mean it kind of did

hunkles: it’s literally on fire

pidgerson: eh

galactic paternal unit: does your father know?

pidgerson: oh yeah he laughed and said ‘good job katie’

hunkles: why is no one phased by you burning down a building

bluebabe: i mean we get a couple days off now don’t we?

angry gay teen: hey pidge next time you do some shit like that count me in

bluebabe: keith “the vandal” kogane

pidgerson: keith and i would be the fucking vandalizing dream team

corn: The Blazers

angry gay teen: FUCK YES

galactic paternal unit: fuck no

bluebabe: ooooo big brother shiro is gonna go oFF

galactic paternal unit: you're not concerned that your boyfriend wants to vandalize other people’s property?

bluebabe: no im encouraging him

bitch goddess: aww thats sweet

angry gay teen: thanks lance

bluebabe: no problem sweet cheeks

angry gay teen: nope no nicknames

bluebabe: alright Darude Sandstorm

pidgerson: sjdnviuaebfjbosbdsb

galactic paternal unit: And now it’s time

galactic paternal unit: To embarrass the hell out of Keith

hunkles: my favorite segment

galactic paternal unit: Keith listened to Darude Sandstorm unironically and enjoyed it so much he bought it on vinyl.

bluebabe: KEITH OH MY GOD

galactic paternal unit: This has been

galactic paternal unit: Embarrassing the hell out of Keith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is shorter than usual but im short on time! and i linked the vines that were mentioned for your entertainment


End file.
